No More Heroes...

Who are your heroes? Are they the same as they were when you were younger, or have you outgrown them? I've been pondering this myself for a while, since Michael Jackson died. Not that Jackson was ever a hero of mine...

What is a hero? To me, a hero is a person who exhibits qualities that puts them above others in any field, be it sports, music, art or writing. When I was younger I had a few heroes, people that I respected, who I felt had a talent that lifted them up to the highest heights, who became, for want of a better phrase, gods. Sadly, I now feel that most of those people have let me down.

Let's get down to specifics. Sixteen years ago, I wrote a list of "The Gods":

1. George Lucas
2. Jean Michel Jarre
3. Jim Henson
4. Green Gartside (from Scritti Politti)
5. Jim Aparo
6. Alan Grant
7. Gene Roddenberry
8. Nik Kershaw
9. Arthur C. Clarke

(Looking back, I would probably add Terry Pratchett and Madonna to that list, but didn't at the time. Poor old Nik Kershaw has "demi-God" in brackets after his name, so he wasn't obviously totally in favour at the time.)

Anyway, looking at that list now, would I still consider them heroes? By that tag, I mean that they are still as important to me as they were then, that they haven't put a creative step wrong, that they are still, well, Gods, and not mere... people. It's harsh, but there you go.

So, 1. George Lucas. Well, it was all going so well until 1999, wasn't it? His position in the pantheon looked assured, the Special Editions of the Star Wars trilogy could be seen as an indulgence, rather than a mis-step, but then Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace came out. The fall to mortality wasn't immediate, but the creeping feeling grew that the halo had slipped... (See I Blame Rick McCallum for more details!) Mortal.

2. Jean Michel Jarre.  In 1992, one of my favourite Jarre albums, Chronologie had come out.  In 1993 I went to see him at Wembley Stadium and I thought his reputation had been sealed, but in the intervening years, he's produced few albums of such magnificence, but has been reworking his old stuff, making little "art" albums and then the appalingly bad Téo & Téa "dance" album.  I blame the fact tha he's not married to Charlotte Rampling anymore.  The woman must have been a good influence which he's now sadly missing... Mortal (though fingers crossed for the future!)

3. Jim Henson.  Untouchable.  His sad and untimely death in 1990 meant that he could no longer prove himself fallible. (Unfortunately his death proved his mortality though...) The body of work created by him in his lifetime stands firm.  His legacy, and the future worth of the Henson Organization remains to be seen. Hero.

4. Green Gartside. Just when I thought nothing would ever be heard again from Mr. Gartside, in 2006, he pulled out his best album since Cupid & Psyche '85 in the form of White Bread Black Beer, a self-produced, minimalist album of pure loveliness. Hero.

5. Jim Aparo and 6. Alan Grant. Look, I was a big comics fan in the 1990s, especially a Batman fan, so this classic artist and writer duo got included. Still like their work, but haven't read a comic in anger for nearly a decade, so I can't really say if they're still heroes. Probably. Though I'd have to veer towards Frank Miller and Alan Moore for their work on The Dark Knight Returns and The Killing Joke respectively.

7. Gene Roddenberry. The man had a vision and a commitment to get Star Trek made and to keep it going in the '80s and '90s with Star Trek: The Next Generation. His death in 1991 didn't stop the franchise, and his legacy, as proved by the huge success of J.J. Abrams' big screen reboot Star Trek this year. Hero.

8. Nik Kershaw. OK, so he's not as big a star as he was in 1984, but Mr. Kershaw keeps putting out songs of wit and intelligence on his own label, making albums such as 2001's To Be Frank and 2006's You've Got To Laugh. Hero, just for doing what he does.

9. Arthur C. Clarke. The greatest Science-Fiction writer ever. Prescient and talented and just a fantastic writer. Hero.

And Terry Pratchett.  His writing gets better and better all the time, despite a dip in the Soul Music/Hogfather years and unfortunately his Alzheimer's will probably get him before he gets a chance to make the fall from grace. Still a hero. Always a hero.

Madonna. The only woman on the list, but unfortunately now very much a mortal. Like Jackson, her heyday is well past now, but no one seems to have told her. She keeps churning out the same sub-R&B drivel, but people still seem to like it. So maybe it's just me, but she hasn't done anything good since 1998's Ray of Light (and actually, looking at the sales figures, a lot less people like it...). Mortal.

So, there you go. Most of my heroes are only still my heroes because they're dead. If I had to write such a list now, I'd definitely include Joss Whedon for his work on Buffy, Firefly/Serenity, Dr Horrible and Dollhouse and for being a funny, horribly talented genius. I'd also include John Lasseter and all the team at Pixar for neverfailing to entertain and amaze.

Funny, but all my heroes come from the creative world. No sports people and no politicians. Hmmm....

Friday Night Blog: Knight Rider

So for the last few weeks, viewers of the Sci-Fi channel have been able to catch a couple of new shows, one being Joss Whedon's Dollhouse (more on that when I've actually watched it...), and the other is the new version of Knight Rider.

Knight Rider was a major part of my childhood, watching David Hasselhoff defeating baddies and helping single mothers weekly, with the help of his super-powered Trans Am car, KITT. I loved the show, I wanted KITT (why were the toys all a little bit, well, rubbish?) and just thought it was the bees knees (along with Airwolf of course!

The original show ran for four years from 1982, eventually trailing off into a dire fourth season (Super Pursuit Mode?) before the plug was pulled. The concept flared up a few times over the years (Knight Rider 2000, Knight Rider 2010 and Team Knight Rider) but nothing really caught on.

A new pilot was made and aired last February, featuring a new car, the Knight Industries 3000 (voiced by Val Kilmer), and a new hero, the son of Michael Knight, Mike Traceur (played by Justin Bruening). David Hasselhoff appeared in a cameo, handing the torch onto his son, but looking very creaky! This went down quite well in the US, and prompted a new series to be commissioned.

Some changes were made between the pilot and the series - more action was included, a whole base for KITT was created, taking it away from the "one man can make a difference" of the original, to "one man, one woman, lots of tech people and a couple of shifty feds can make a bit of a difference". KITT was upgraded slightly, and Mike Traceur "died" because a lot of people knew who he was from his black ops days in and after Iraq, and he became, guess what? Michael Knight!

So, is it any good? Well, Bruening is a likeable lead, and is easily supported and matched by his co-star Deanna Russo, who plays Sarah Graiman, nano-technology specialist, daughter of KITT's creator, Charles Graiman (Bruce Davison), and also looks damn fine in a bikini (it's part of one of the plots, OK?!)

The plots are OK - lightweight and fun and mustn't be taken too seriously. If you compare them to some of the original series scripts, then they stand up well. Battlestar Galactica they ain't. Having all the tech people and the feds around the "KITT cave" kind of distract from the original mission. Half the time, when KITT goes wrong, then it's down to the techies to fix him - the original could have done it himself.

And as for KITT himself, well, he's now a Mustang, but he's still pretty cool. The original scanner has been replaced by a double strip, and thankfully they've replaced the "woo-woo" sound it made in the original (it was missing in the pilot). Turbo boost didn't appear in the pilot, but it does in the series. The only trouble with it now is that KITT apparently has to transform himself into "Attack Mode" to do it. This means that he has to "grow" new spoilers, wings, and a great big air intake on his bonnet, bringing horrible echoes of the aforementioned Super Pursuit Mode. With the neon lights, it looks like Westwood has pimped my KITT. It's horrible.

You see, another of KITT's gimmicks is that he's able to transform himself into other cars, using some nano-technology or something. For example, he can change colour or become a Ford F-150 pick-up truck. This is all well, if a bit implausible, but in the first episode of the series, Traceur jumps into the back of KITT in pick-up mode with another man. KITT then transforms himself around them, so that they end up in the front seats of the Mustang-KITT. Hmmm.

All in all, it's quite an enjoyable series. I've read that it gets rebooted halfway through the first series, bringing it back more to the "one man" mission, and then I think it got cancelled. Ho hum. Still, it's quite a fun hour to spend if you want to take your brain off the hook.

And as for the theme music? Desecration is the word that springs to mind...

(Thanks to The Knight Rider Archive for all the info!)

Friday-Night Blog: I Blame Rick McCallum...

So, I was watching Star Wars: The Clone Wars (the 3D animated series) yesterday, which seems to be showing on Cartoon Network here in the UK, after having been isolated to Sky Movies before, and I thought it was quite good, which got me to thinking... Where did it all go wrong for the Star Wars saga?

I used to love Star Wars - no, actually that's an understatement. I used to eat, drink and breathe Star Wars. I used to watch my VHS copies of the Trilogy on an old black and white TV in my room, snatching a few minutes of Jedi while I got ready for school in the morning. I used to read and re-read all the books I had, and hunt for old second-hand copies of annuals and storybooks - this was in the dark times, before the coming of the second merchandising wave, when there was, frankly, sod all new Star Wars around!

And then, Dark Horse Comics published Star Wars: Dark Empire, in 1991; Timothy Zahn's novel Heir to the Empire was published in 1992, and the ball started rolling again. More books, more comics... And my Star Wars reflex kicked in! I bought nearly everything I could that had the Star Wars name on it, spending all my available money on it. Everything was fantastic in the Star Wars Universe. Us fan boys were happy, very happy. And then...

And then, George Lucas announced that he would be making Episodes I to III of the series, and we would get the full story - we'd see Anakin Skywalker's fall from grace, his voyage to the dark side, Obi-Wan Kenobi fighting in the Clone Wars... The anticipation was immense. And before that, we'd get new, spanky, souped-up versions of the Original Trilogy IN THE CINEMA!

And that's where I think the rot set in. George Lucas had the chance to go back and "tinker" with our beloved films. Don't get me wrong, I like most of the changes made in the films - the attack on the Death Star needed sprucing up, Cloud City's windows do open up the landscape, and the um, well, no actually most of the changes in Return of the Jedi were totally unnecessary (and they got worse when Hayden Christensen was dropped into the film on the DVD...) Most importantly, GREEDO DID NOT SHOOT FIRST.... ahem.

To help with all the work on the Special Editions, and the Prequel Trilogy, Lucas enlisted Rick McCallum, who had worked with the Great Beard on the Young Indiana Jones series. Alarm bells should have rung then, quite frankly...

And so, in 1999, we got Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace. God we wanted to love that film. I watched it two and a half times (fell asleep watching it on my stag-night...). I didn't mind Jar-Jar, Jake Lloyd as young Anakin was OK, Darth Maul was pretty cool with his double-blade lightsaber, Liam Neeson was solid and Ewan McGregor was over-keen as young Obi-Wan, but there was something a bit, well, hollow in the whole enterprise. It had Star Wars on the label, but it felt like something else was on the till.

Three years later we got Episode II - Attack of the Clones and we also got the afore-mentioned Christensen. Well, to say he was wooden would be insulting to trees, but he just didn't fill the role of the nascent Dark Lord of the Sith. He was just a whiney brat who apparently didn't like sand. The romance between Anakin and Padmé was risible, and you got the feeling the Natalie Portman was trying her best, but couldn't muster up the enthusiasm to deal with her love interest...

And then, in 2005, we finally got to see Anakin become Vader. Possibly the strongest film of the prequels (save for the fact that Portman seemed to have died inside somewhere - probably when she saw her script), it still lacked... soul. We knew we should be feeling something, we knew we should love these film like we loved the original films, and we've tried to convince ourselves to love them over the last four years, but we really can't....

Where are the heroes? What kid wants to be Anakin or Obi-Wan or Padmé, like we wanted to be Luke or Han or Leia? In what way were any of the ships cooler than the Millennium Falcon or the X-Wings (or TIE Fighters, come to that?) Even Yoda's gymnastics were a little bit, well, silly, if you think about it. The over-reliance on CGI for the special effects already looks dated in some cases, whereas the model work from the Original Trilogy still stands the test of time.

So why do I blame Rick McCallum? Well, I don't think the man had the cojones to say no to George Lucas. I believe that every artist needs an editor, a critic or an executive to stand up to them and tell them when something just isn't good enough. Prince hasn't really made a consistently decent album since he parted company with Warners as he's been allowed to indulge himself - even such celebrated writes as T.S. Eliot had editors to send them back to the drawing board. I believe that Lucas needed that, and Rick McCallum wasn't the man for the job.

I've given up on the majority of Star Wars products these days. There are too many books (I gave up after the New Jedi Order series), comics and video games to buy. I'm looking forward to the live-action series due to arrive in the next few years, because I'm an optimist. I hope I get to see more of the Clone Wars TV show, but it seems to be a bit random at the moment.

I still love Star Wars, I really do. I just wish the Prequels had been so much better.

Friday-Night Blog: Hmmm.

Well, I've got myself into this mess, now I'd better think of something to write. I could go on about the final episode of Battlestar Galactica and how it totally rocked, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about how frakkin' awesome it was, but that would risk alienating everyone who doesn't give a toss... All I can say is I hope the people who make Lost watched it and were making notes of how to not suck. We can but hope...

So, what shall I write about? I made some granola today. Yep. That's exciting and sure to get everyone commenting in their droves. Actually, it's become a bit weird now that I know people are reading this - I don't know if that means I've changed the way I write, or what I write, but it's strange to think that I'm not just blogging to the wall, so to speak. It's nice that people are reading it, but also a little bit scary.

Would quite like to see Monsters vs. Aliens. Looks almost as good as a Pixar movie, and quite funny. It'd be good to see it in 3D, but that would involve a trip to the Big Smoke (which I'd like, but at about £15 for a train ticket these days, it'd work out at quite pricey trip.

Sorry, but that's all I've got at the moment. I'll try and do better for next week. If you're watching on Facebook, please become a fan. Thank you.

Friday-Night Blog: Battlestar Galactica

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR ANYONE NOT WATCHING BATTLESTAR GALACTICA AS IT IS BROADCAST. CATCH UP ALREADY!

And so, after 4 years, (possibly) the greatest sci-fi series ever seen on television comes to an end. If you're in the USA, it ends tonight, and if you're in the UK, then it ends on Tuesday. (Unless you're one of those "download it from the internet-type people...)

It seems hard to believe that a remake of a hokey late-'70s TV show could have become something more than the sum of its parts, and yet, it is now being discussed (by the Guardian newspaper at least) in the same breath as such "must-see" "adult" TV as The Wire. (as long as you can ignore the bits about robots and FTL drives, because that's just silly childish stuff isn't it?)

And so we have a show that has dealt with racism, torture, extraordinary rendition, martial law, questions of mono- and poly-theism, rape, murder, child abductions, terrorism, fate and predestination... The frakkin' UN has even convened a council to discuss the TV show! That's is how important it is. More important than wars or famine or disease.

There's a hell of a lot of questions to be answered in the final two-hour episode, and I have a feeling we won't get them all, but then we never get all the answers in life. What the frak is Starbuck? Angel? Cylon? Something else? Where is the seventh Cylon, Daniel? Will the crew ever find a home? Will Baltar do the right thing for the right reasons? What's with all the Jimi Hendrix?

I predict at least two deaths - Laura Roslin (who was barely able to stand up to join Galactica's rescue mission), and Galactica herself. The old girl's falling apart as it is, let alone having to jump into a Cylon fortress next to a black-hole. I'm also convinced that Adama will go down with his ship... Beyond that, who knows. (I'm also hoping Apollo gets his hair cut.)

It's a measure of the show's quality, that the original Battlestar Galactica was made as a TV answer to Star Wars (something George Lucas' lawyers pointed out...), and now it seems that the Great Beard himself wants to model his live-action Star Wars TV show along the same lines.

I will miss Battlestar Galactica (but not all the mumbled dialogue - I'm looking at you Olmos and McDonnell) , but this isn't the end of the road. There's a TV movie - "The Plan" out later in the year showing life on Caprica before the attack, and then we have the prequel series called Caprica set fifty years earlier, and depicting the lives of two Caprican families - the Adamas and the Greystones - the development of the Cylons... and the subsequent war...

So here's to the Galactica - she was a good ship, and we will miss her. So say we all!

Friday-Night Blog!

So, as I'm doing a big (well, medium-sized... OK, small) push for this website on Facebook, I thought I should give you all something new to read. So, here it is, the first of hopefully series of Friday-Night Blogs, where I generally have a round-up of my week.

So, what;s been going on? Well, I've been off work all this week, which has been great. It's been so good just to spend time with my wife and son, instead of seeing them for a couple of hours every night. We've been to play parks twice, we've been swimming, and generally hanging out with each other.

It was my birthday on Wednesday, I turned the big 35. Genuinely chuffed to get a lot of best wishes on Facebook, and a decent amount of cards. Also got some blinking good gifts, like Doctor Who Season One on DVD (Good old Eccles-cake!), Stardust, an intriguing book called Death and the Penguin and a Cookie Monster t-shirt from my son. It's Em's birthday tomorrow, so we're off to the zoo! (Birthday cake has been baked and is cooling!)

Finally got to catch up on most of my stories on TV - two lots of Lost and Battlestar Galactica. I'm getting impatient with Lost, I just want it over and done with, especially with all the time-flipping stuff. Just tell me what the whole thing's about and let me go! Battlestar, on the other hand, is quickly running out of shows and I don't want it to end!

My current bandwagon is Twitter, with which I'm becoming quickly disillusioned. I get it, I just don't think I care what all these people are doing every minute of the day. It seems that a lot of people on there are sycophantic, working themselves up into a frenzy because they're following Stephen Fry or whoever. I'm sure it's good for all these people trying to sell you something, but I think it's crazy when you now have a Dr Pepper Twitter feed... Still, I've made a new friend on there, but I'm friends with her on Facebook, so that's OK. Hi, Claire!

Wendy Richard died, which was incredibly sad. (She'll always be Miss Brahms from Are You Being Served? to me, all those years as Pauline Fowler couldn't erase those formative memories!) Jade Goody's dying, which is even more tragic. Whatever you think of the girl, no-one deserves to lose their life in such an horrific, slow, painful way.

I'm sure there are lots of other things I could talk about, but you're probably tired of reading them now. From here on in, I'm going to keep notes in my nice new leather diary (thanks, Jonathan!), so I'll be able to keep up with my own thoughts!

Liz McLarnon - Celebrity Masterchef 2008

Get in, Team Liz! Congratulations to Liz, who was yesterday crowned Celebrity Masterchef 2008. It's not often I make the right call here, but I got it right this time!

Expect Atomic Kitchen, the TV show anytime now. (Can I get a credit for the programme title, please?)

Atomic Kitchen!

Wow, a Sun style pun headline...

Anyway, Liz McLarnon (that's her on the left, looking very slinky), former (or current, can't remember if they've officially broken up) Atomic Kitten is doing very well indeed in the current series of Celebrity Masterchef on BBC One, despite having never cooked anything in an oven before she started on the programme. She's made it through to the final, and was said by John Torode and Gregg Wallace to have improved the most out of all the other competitors! Go Liz, go!

PS. I'm free to come over for dinner whenever you like, Liz...

Time's almost up!

Yep, there's less than an hour to go before the final episode of Doctor Who's fourth season (except I'll have to tape it and watch it later...), and I'm getting well excited.

I had a quick hunt round the net to see if I could find out anything, but the Beeb seem to have got this locked down tighter than a tight thing on the tightest day of the week! All I could find were rumours and suppositions - like the Doctor's going to split into two and one's going off to the parallel world to be with Rose; Donna's a Time Lady; Harriet Jones is in league with the Daleks; the TARDIS will die and all manner of other weirdness. What ever happens, I'm sure it's going to be great.

I'm personally hoping for the return of Ace with a Big F'ing Gun!

Oh Brother...

Yep, summer's here, and that means the return of Channel 4's Big Brother. This year there are 16, yes 16, wannabees, I mean, contestants, and to be honest with you, I got fed up with watching them all traipse in after we'd had about half of them.

The surprise thing is how "normal" most of them appear to be, as if the producers have finally given up trying to shoehorn as many "diverse" (ie. irritating) people in there as they can, but it's still early days.

The first four housemates have already been given their first secret mission - the two people that are a couple (Mario and Lisa) have got to pretend they're not a couple, and Mario has to pretend he's having a relationship with Stephanie, a 19 year-old student. If they succeed, they all are saved from the public vote, but if they fail, they face the vote along with their co-conspirator, Luke.... Thyey're bound to screw it up.

Here we go again...!

BBC NEWS | In Pictures | In pictures: BB9 housemates arrive

I knew ITV1 shouldn't mess with these things...

So, ITV1 buys the rights to screen Pushing Daisies, the new series from Dead Like Me and Wonderfalls creator, Bryan Fuller. They showed the first episode last Saturday and it pulled in a reasonably respectable 5.7m viewers. I loved the show, and look forward to seeing the rest of the series...

...except we won't get to see all of it, because ITV1 only have 8 slots to show the programme before Euro 2008 coverage starts. Therefore they've taken the decision to drop Episode 2, as they figure it was the one we could live without - after all it only shows the early life of the main character, Ned, and how he discovered his resurrection power - nothing really important, I'm sure...

I wouldn't mind, except no home nation is taking part in Euro 2008... Oh, wait, I still wouldn't care!

Kylie and the Daleks!

Not long to go now until the Christmas Doctor Who special, starring Kylie Minogue as a maid on the Titanic (last seen crashing into the TARDIS...), and to celebrate, the cover of the new issue of Doctor Who Magazine features our favourite pop princess posing in a slinky gold dress with one of Skaro's finest.

Apparently the issue (out 13th December) features a giant poster of Kylie anda Dalek too! Find out more here!

Battlestar Galactica Trailer

Hurrah, hurrah and thrice hurrah! The new series of Battlestar Galactica is going to be on Sky from October 18th! For those of you who haven't seen the mini-series that came out last year, then you deserve a great big kicking! This is top notch space opera, people!

Ahem. Well, the series is set 40 years on from the last Cylon War, but set at the same time as the original '70s series. Clear? Okay, let me try to explain. The Cylons from the original series are now the old models, and have been replaced by newer models, including ones that look just like humans. The Vipers from the original series are also the old models, having been replaced by swisher, more computer controlled versions. And there the problems start...

The characters are all the same - in name at least. Adama controls the Galactica, his son is Lee "Apollo" Adama (Apollo now being his call-sign), and Kara "Starbuck" Thrace is the Galactica's best pilot. And she's a woman. But she still likes playing cards and smoking cigars.

I have a feeling I've made it all more complicated than it is, so do yourselves a favour and go and buy the DVD of the mini-series. It's only eleven quid or so, and for that you get 3 hours of bloody good TV. If you can't stretch to that, they're repeating the mini-series on Sky One from 14th October. (What do you mean, you haven't got Sky...? Sheesh, some people...!)

And in the meantime, you can get to the trailer for the new series here:

BBC - Cult Television - Galactica trailer

Farscape: The PeaceKeeper Wars

Cool...

Farscape: The PeaceKeeper Wars

The End of an Era

Well, that's it folks. Last night, the final episode of Angel was shown on Sky One. For the first time in 8 years, there will be no more stories from the Buffy-verse. And while the final episode was fabulous, the last season was a bit strange. I know that they knew they were going to get cancelled from quite early on in the season, but it still seems that it was all a bit directionless. Possibly a lot of that is due to trying to deliver more stand-alone episodes to attract more casual viewers, but after the huge ongoing plot arcs of previous seasons, it all seemed a little strange. The Big Bad didn't really pop up until a few episodes from the end of the series, and then was dealt with quite quickly, and almost effortlessly. (I don't want to say too much, in case I give away some spoilers... What do you think this is? SFX? ;-) )

I hope Joss Whedon gets back onto the small screen soon, after working on the Firefly movie. Even if there are no more series in the Buffy-verse, we need him to be giving us TV of such a great quality as he has been. OK, he can have a bit of a holiday first, but then he's got to get back on the horse...!

And Enterprise finished this week as well. And by golly, what a blinding season it's just had! The whole Xindi/Expanse storyline just kept getting better and better. Totally blew anything that Voyager ever did out of the water. The new executive producer, Manny Coto, certainly shook things up a lot, and created some great moments. And as for the cliff-hanger ending... What the f***?! If it doesn't get renewed next season, then there's something wrong with the US TV networks... Oh, wait, they cancelled Angel, didn't they? Oh dear...

The kinkyMachine Recommends... Part 2!

Managed to stick to the formula set up in the previous installment of Recommends.... So, here is a new(ish) book, video and CD that we recommend. Tell us if you agree with us, or whether we're talking out of the bottom of our keyboard.
Remember, if you've seen, read, or heard anything fabulous recently, then let us know. It doesn't even have to be new. If you really dig Homer's Odyssey (mmm, Cyclops!) then let us know.

Book:e. by Matt Beaumont
This is a truly original and hilarious first novel by Matt Beaumont. Told entirely in e-mails, it concerns the goings-on in a top flight London advertising agency, Miller Shanks while they try to win the sacred Coca-Cola account. This is a place where everyone is gloriously two-faced, mad, power-crazed and often all at the same time, from the eager young (sex-mad) copywrighters up to the CEO who can't seem to get his e-mail working properly, taking in the sad bloke in accounts who wants to sell his waffle-iron ("First to see will buy!")

The style takes a bit of getting used to, but once you're in, you won't want to come up for air (isn't it funny how you can't seem to review something without using cliches? Hmm...). For anyone who's ever worked in an office, or with a group of bizarre people, this book will hit a chord. The team at Miller Shanks are recognizable, abhorrent and yet compelling. Some you'd want to go down the pub with, others you'd run a mile to avoid.

Hell, no more words - this book is BRILLIANT. Buy it now!

Video:Northern Exposure Season One Boxset
Possibly one of the greatest TV shows of the late '80s, Northern Exposure followed in the bizarre footsteps of shows like Twin Peaks, bringing the strange goings-on of small-town USA to light. The show concerns the newly-qualified doctor, Joel Fleischmann, whose medical education was paid for by the state of Alaska, where he has to work for a few years to repay the debt. Joel thinks he'll get a nice practise in Anchorage, but finds himself in the middle of nowhere, or more precisely, Ciceley, a small town inhabited by some strange inhabitants.

At times, Joel finds himself furious with his situation, but the warmth and eccentricity of the town and its people overtake him against his will. From Maurice Minnefield, the ex-astronaut who runs the town, Chris Stevens, the town's DJ with a passion for psychology and (sometimes) kleptomania, down to Ed, the young local with a burning interest in Cinema (especially Fellini), all the characters are unique and incredible.

Even if you only vaguely remember the show, and remember enjoying it, then I suggest you buy this boxset. You won't be disappointed!

CD:Know Your Enemy by the Manic Street Preachers
Wales' favorite sons (or is that the Stereophonics?) return with a pretty decent new album. The first half is sheer brilliance, including the double singles "So Why So Sad"and "Found That Soul", and the incredible new single "Ocean Spray". Having said that, the rest of the album is pretty good too, with "Royal Correspondent" asserting itself as one of my favorites.

Nicky Wire (bass player, often wears a dress) takes the mike for the first time on "Wattsville Blues" a lo-fi homage to his home town. Okay, his singing isn't the best in the world, but I'd rather listen to him than Geri Halliwell. His refrain at the end of "Miss Europa Disco Dancer" is also intriguing, but I'll leave that to you to discover.

A bit of a mixed bag, possibly not as good as either Everything Must Go or This Is My Truth... (of the post-Richie albums) but still very much worth a listen.

The kinkyMachine Recommends...

To celebrate our new, glorious union with Amazon.co.uk, we've developed this new page to inform you of the best things since sliced bread. Our favourite books, games, CDs, Videos and whatever else tickles our fancy will appear here, and (by the miracle of modern technology) if you click on an item, you will be whisked away to Amazon.co.uk where you will be able to purchase said item. Marvellous, isn't it?

But it doesn't stop there. Oh no. You, yes you, (no, not you, YOU!) can write in and recommend anything as well. Tell us why it's so pant-wettingly wonderful and we'll stick it up, so that others can share its excellence. Hurrah!

Right, on with the show....

The Truth by Terry Pratchett
The latest in the Discworld series, The Truth is possibly one of Terry Pratchett's best novels. The plot concerns the rise of journalism in Ankh-Morpork (The Discworld's biggest city, for all you newcomers), as well as a plot to overthrow the city's benevolent dictator, all overshadowed by a couple of wannabe Reservoir Dogs. If you are a newcomer to the Discworld, then this might actually be a good place to start. The majority of the characters are new, but there are still wonderful cameos and bit-parts for some of the old favorites (Especially the bit with the Bursar at the beginning....). Terry Pratchett's writing is as good as ever, and he's even managed to ride the plot all the way home with this book (which makes a refreshing change). If you want a good laugh, but also a brilliant insight into the manipulation of the media, then you could do no better than this book. Oh, and it's also got humourous-looking vegetables in it....

Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 3 Box 1
The best show on TV at the moment (or not if you're stuck with BBC2 and its bloody snooker or whatever...), this box set contains the first half of the third season of Buffy, possibly the best it's ever got. Angel got packed off to hell at the end of the previous seson, leaving Buffy feeling a tad upset, so she went off to the big city, called herself Anne and moped around a bit. Still, after that things really get interesting. A new Slayer, Faith, turns up and starts causing some havoc (and not just 'cos Eliza Dushku is an ultimate babe - if a trifle unhinged...). Add to that the rise of the hysterical Mayor Wilkins, and you'll just about be ready for the second half of the season. The writing is excellent, the cast fabulous (Anya also gets introduced in these episodes as well, yippee!) and it really just is the badger's nadgers. Go forth and buy now!

Light Years by Kylie Minogue
She's back, and this time she's wearing a... well, not much really. Still, never mind, eh! The Princess of Pop is back to show Britney, Christina and Bob the Builder how to do it, and she's as camp as a row of pink tents. From the fabulous singles, "Spinning Around" and "On a Night Like This" to the '70s Pet Shop Boys'esque "Your Disco Needs You" this is a stunning slice of pure Pop. If you can't find the music to get down and boogie, then this is the album for you. From Donna Summer to Village People though to Robbie's "Kids", this CD will take you back in time to your youth, and memories of your parents doing unspeakable things in polyester. Brilliant, just Brilliant. 'Nuff sed. (And that's a corking picture on the cover too!)