J.F.O. - Gail Porter

This is a new bit designed to let you get something off your chest. If someone really annoys you by their mere presence on this planet, then vent your spleen here.
In the first of our new series, J.F.O. (Just F*** Off) the first person to come under the hammer is the "wee" Scottish person called Gail Porter, who has somehow managed to infiltrate the nation's TV sets and crops up on every bloody TV programme that she can (still waiting for her Through the Keyhole debut though). From the early morning Big Breakfast to Top of the Pops and through to dotcomedy, we all have to put up with her huge eyes that look as if they're going to pop any second, her annoying twee Scottish accent, and her "aren't I cute and wee and funny?"

NO, YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE BLOODY ANNOYING! GO AWAY!

And it's not as if you can get away from here by reading a magazine. There she is, either in FHM, Maxim, Loaded or all three! And so much for her final nude photo shoot that appeared last year - she's only gone and stripped off again recently. KEEP YOUR CLOTHES ON WOMAN, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

And did projecting a huge photo of her on the House of Commons really shift more copies of FHM? - I don't think so. The whole country just thought, "Oh God, it's Gail Porter without her clothes again!" and turned off the TV.

And cutting her hair didn't help improve her image at all. It just made her look even more like an annoying pixie, that you wish would just fall back down the wishing well.

So, Miss Gail Porter, J.F.O.!!